Goodbye, Collar. *cries*

I took my collar off for the day. =( I was devastated to have to do it, but I followed my punishment guidelines well enough. Anyways, I wasn't supposed to tempt J earlier in the night, but I did anyways. *sigh* Sooner or later, I'll be a good girl and stop doing this crap with other people. And even with J, until we get married. But for now, I have to be punished for this kind of mess.

This is a little poem I wrote out of the depths of my sadness and self-hatred:

All her waking hours
They pile filth in her.
"She asks for it."
They say. "She likes
To be used this way.
It's all she's good for."
And she nods along,
Because it's all she knows.

She doesn't see that really
She's a priceless Chalice,
Crafted by her Master
To quench His thirst
And decorate His table.
He wants her to see her worth
But every day she says,
"No, I want to serve. I want
To be used to please someone.
This is all I'm good for."

She doesn't see Him curl up at night
And weep into His polishing rag:
"You settle for all their filth;
All I want to do is clean you.
Why can't you let me love you?
Why don't you let me use you?"
She sits on His table, filthy,
Day after day. To serve Him
Is all that she wants, and yet
It's all that she hides from.

posted by Rachel @ 4:39 AM Comments: 0